Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Come see our sink grown plant.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Drunk is not a location!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
