Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
