so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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