Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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