dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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