My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
