Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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