brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
