would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
