Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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