I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
