God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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