I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
