I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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