Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
