Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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