Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
