can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
