I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
