problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
