Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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