I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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