My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
