new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
