how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
