I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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