hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
