I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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