I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
