grandma shit on top of the toilet
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
