Don't you send me to vm
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
