So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
