i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
