I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
