she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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