i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
