How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
