Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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