Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
