You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
