I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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