he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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