Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
