Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
