Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
that is very illegal...i love you.
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