K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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