i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
