Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
