My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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