no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
