can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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