So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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