she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
