Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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