Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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